dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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