The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
