i love accidental penises.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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