quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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