i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
