Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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