Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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