Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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