dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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