Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize