Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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