Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
