i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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