Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
