6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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