Small penises have feelings too.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
