I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
