My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
