Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
