did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
