your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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