Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
