You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just had sex on a roof
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
