I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize