i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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