so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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