Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
