No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
