Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
