Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
