I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
