You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
