I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
