I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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