Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
