But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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