I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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