she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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