I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
