she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
