thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
