Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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