That's when you crack a 10am beer
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
