hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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