i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I currently don't understand fingers.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
