well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
