My Higher Power is John Stamos
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you had me at cake vodka
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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