What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
