I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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