we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
