The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
