The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You are a genius and a whore.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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