My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
