you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
