This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My ass is underappreciated
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
