before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
