So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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