it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
