Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
