Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize