she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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