my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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