awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I want a musical about memes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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