Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
