hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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