he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
