My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
