Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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