Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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