somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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